Nasty Buzzards

So obviously, R. Kelly isn't the only one who likes to give golden showers. So I'm at work minding my business and not giving a fluck as usual. I proceed to eat my lunch when the cleaning lady feels the need to ask me, 'you hear what happen' in her lovely Trini accent. I look up, like what now? She tells me the Russian (that's what I call him) came to the kitchen yesterday to make coffee and notice some golden rain in the pot. He sniffed and voila it was pee pee. So this brainiac aka nasty buzzard washed the pot out not once but twice with fucking dish detergent and prepared a pot of 'fresh' piss...err I mean coffee with a shot of piss. So he decides today to tell this other dude about his findings from the day before. Dude automatically gives him the side-eye and tells the cleaning lady, who then asks the Russian if this is true. He says yes and it's confirmed by two managers. So around 3 today his story turns into a misunderstanding. Supposedly, the Russian and dude was in the kitchen at the same time and dude was about to lock the door to the warehouse kitchen and the Russian tells him don't lock the door they might think that you will pee in the coffee pot. WHAT WHAT IN THE BUTT FUCK??? So you know I'm happy I don't drink coffee right?!? But please believe I will be having my tea without the milk.

The Work Place

Today's blog is brought to you by a disgruntled employee, ME! I blame a bootleg temp agency for my current place of work. Yeah I didn't have to tell the cock sucker that I wanted the job, but hey a sister has to eat. I share an office with a 63 year old woman, who talks incessantly. She probably would still speak with my espadrilles trapped down her throat. Moving along, I am going to note the most irking things to hear before the clock strikes 12 p.m.

1. Good Morning *rolls eyes*
2. Oh you changed your hair...how did you do that?
3. My father fell again...(followed by how and which body part bled *gags*)
4. The smell of hard boiled eggs, which is her daily breakfast.
5. I'm not coming in on Friday, so I'm going to let all the sales people know to call your extension. *from this point forward I have to hear her tell each sales person to call my extension on Friday*

Thank God, I have been sort of blessed with the tool of tuning people out! Because if not it would be hell of hard to explain how I managed to turn my workplace into Camp Crystal Lake.